brain adjustment

I get to swim, bike, walk, water run, eliptical, talk, breathe, eat, drink, play, see, hear, rest, relax, get massages, email, sleep in a big comfy bed, take naps, drive, buy gas [at least for now :-) ] drink good wine, laugh with friends, teach, visit my Granny, be inspired, inspire others....and on and on.

so if I can do all of these awesome things, why am I such a crab when i can't run?

Yesterday, I tried the foot out.

3 minutes in, I felt it. but I hoped it was just a ghost pain or something so I kept going. 6 minutes in it was still there so I stopped, turned off the treadmill and unplugged my headphones. It was instinct. I was dissapointed. I walked about 10 steps and turned around and got back on. My mind was not satisfied. maybe I was confused. I waited 10 days. I was patient. I was good. I didn't run, I cold dipped, I massaged...it can't still hurt, i thought. I had been so good. so I got back on. turned it up to 8:00 mile and made it for 3 more minutes, then stopped again. This time I was pissed. I gathered my towel unplugged the headphones and walked over to the eliptical and finished out the 30 minutes. I was so bummed about not being able to run. I just wanted that feeling I get coming off a good hard run. I miss it bad.

The rest of the day revolved around my foot. It didn't start off very well - as I was bent out of shape about the treadmill incident earlier today. angry at the world I suppose - that place we athletes go when we're hurt (where in the back of our minds is that reminder that everyone else we race against is out there ia racing and training hard and leaving you for dead while you "rest and heal". ) it can be a black hole if you don't watch out -and it will suck you in before you know it.

you know that "energy follows thought" thing? it's true. negative thoughts - negative energy. i was trapped in it today. for a while, I was so focused on the foot, that God must have had to send me a gazillion messages that day to remind me about what was really important. (or maybe it was Donnie....). All day, I came across people who are far worse off than me. from friends battling cancer to hearing of others in the hospital. there are people struggling through life and realtionships much worse off than me and facing bigger meaner foe's. I sense perspective creeping in, but the black hole still has it's hold. When we went to church this evening I was ready to pray for my foot (I was still obsessing - sad, i know, but i felt he urge to ask for a little selfish help here ) - ironically, the message at church in a nutshell was about what you do have - not what you don't have. Hmmm. interesting. God sent in reinforcements here. and in my mind it was a full hour of "man, what have I been doing to myself?" I was way off track. OK. I GET IT. By the end of church I got the message loud and clear and chuckled about it. it was back to the good life. and my life is good....it's GREAT! I GET TO DO IT.

so i slipped a little. I'm human. sometimes we struggle to stay positive, but it always pays off. everyting is better with a silver lining.

man, what if I couldn't even do the eliptical? what if my foot hurt so bad i couldn't ride the bike? what if I couldn't even walk? what if I had a cast on and couldn't swim? AGH! thank GOD my foot isn't that bad off. maybe all I need is another week. that's not that bad. what's another week? 5 minutes, 5 days, 5 months, 5 years. in 5 months, it won't matter. ill just swim and ride harder, longer, stronger....ill talk to coach about that...