well, i proved to myself that I could made it through. but at what cost? I spent most of my year in a plateau. I know that now since i can look back over the year. and, Ahem.. I put on a few pounds too (how is that possible when you put the miles on like i do...well, it is. our bodies will respond to stress...and in a plateau, the leaning out stopped, and the pudgy snuck in). It's not huge, but enough i can tell. and it affected my training...rather, my training affected me :-)
So, The tide has turned. I want to race more as i have an enormous amount of guilt ( that being raised in the catholic church instills in you). I feel like i am letting down my supporters and sponsors. But the reality is, is that we are all human, and have to find our way through the thick and thin - whatever life throws at us. Most of us know that. and most people understand. The hard part is getting MY BRAIN to understand it.
This morning i sat on the porch with Lauren Rolston's mom, Susan, shooting the you know what. It was a good talk..as insignifigant as it may have seemed to her, it was a good moment for me. Lauren is in her 20's and she and her parents are people i have been lucky enough to have gotten to know through triathlon and swimming since i returned to the "active" life. Lauren and her mom and dad were familiar with Donnie long before i came into the picture and knew of his battle with ALS and his death in 2005. Donnie was my first introduction of what a fatal disease can do to you and the people around you. It changed my life forever. The Rolston's are more familiar with neuromuscular disease than most people know. Lauren is in her early 20's and was diagnosed with MS earlier this year....but their knowledge of overcoming obstacles like that goes way deeper than that. I admire them for their attitudes, their willingness to help others, and their perseverence to keep on. I watch and learn from these generous people. They probably don't even know how much their lives influence others. Those are the ones to watch...
So, Lauren is a trooper. taking it all with a grain of salt...and maybe a shot of tequila (oh, just kiddin....i don't even know if she drinks:-). She is flying in from Austin for the weekend for the MS Tour for Cure. She's riding a tandem with her dad for the 75 miles up to McComb, MS. Her mom, who bought a bike to ride the tour, has put together TEAM LAUREN ROCKS and as a team we have raised over $18,000 so far. It's is great to be a part of this team.
Oh wait, i got off track....sort of. where have I been if I have not been racing? I've been training slow - all zone 1 trying to keep my heartrate down. Classic endurance aerobic engine building. I hope to do an Ironman early in 2010, and to do that, and do it right, i need to have a solid endurance base, and a fresh mind and spirit. i am finished racing because i have to, or feel pressured to. i know, i get to. i am able. i am soo lucky, but i want to do better. i can finish anyting i start. i know i can. but i want to win a big race. i want to do a sub 10hr Ironman. to do that, i need to be where i am now - surrounding myself with the people who inspire me to rebuild some of that mental, physical, and emotional base i seemed to have lost a hold of.